Captain's Log

On the 3rd of December 2011 22 pirates departed for the Red Sea to sail aboard the good ship Hurricane.

From the outset, it was clear the trip was going to be good!

With an early flight the morning started at 04:00! Several bleary eyed pirates made their way to the airport where the meeting of the pirate lords was to be held.

A swift trip through security and to the lounge for a bit of brekkie!

The trip over was excellent. Great seats, great service and for once the airline food was also good.

After landing in Egypt it was a 15 minute transfer and all of the pirates were aboard, the scurvy crew was now ready to set sail.

To say the weather for December was brilliant would be an understatement. 24C and 22C in the water! The water visibility was also very good and the marine life was out to play.

First couple of dives were reef dives, great marine life and beautiful corals, both soft and hard, were out in all of their splendor.

As the itinerary was the northern wrecks and reefs it was not long before we took in our first wreck.

Poseidon was smiling on us and Davey Jones was truley looking after us as wreck after wreck yielded great visibility.

No matter the wreck or the reef the visibility was great and the marine life kept me memorized

We had lion fish, glass fish, hatchet fish and a visit form a bloody great moray eel!

Each dive became longer and longer, no-one wanted the dive to end. We even found a diver that looked as if he had been down there for the last 30 years!

So we brought him back to the boat and signed him up to the scurvy crew!

Mid way during the voyage the pirates got together for a good old pirate social! The rum flowed, the singing was merry and the wenches were a plenty!

With groggy heads the only cure was a dip into Davey Jone's Locker to clear the head.

I will look back on the holiday with fond memories of all of the pirates, the diving, the food and the crew. I will even have fond memories of the inside of the cabin toilet after the Egyptian trots took hold.

The holiday was such a success that we have already planned the Red Sea trip for next year. The deep south starting on the 31st of October. So hallow pirates will be storming the Red Sea once again!

Captain W Anchor

Greetings!

As I sit here at my desk looking out of the window the vivid memories of the Yurt weekend come flooding back in all of it glory!

The sun shining on my face, a bacon sandwich and cup of tea in my hand with the anticipation of the days diving ahead, what more could a budding pirate want?

One week earlier..................

The traffic outside the window was starting to wind up as the Friday traffic always does. I have only 30 minutes left and then I could get away. I had been thinking of it all day, it was really interfering with my working life!

The time arrived to leave; it felt like a bell ringing a kid being released out of school. Pirate time had arrived.

The next few seconds were a blur but they resulted in me hurtling down the M4 towards junction 13 to pick up one of the oldest pirates I know, quarter master Shemmings was coming for the weekend, this wise and old pirate had bags of experience, more advice to offer than the Oracle himself (some of it even useful), a weather hardened pirate that would lend stability to the weekend.

The journey took no time at all as it does when travelling with a friend and chatting the journey away. Within two hours world peace had been restored, perpetual motion discovered and Michael Jackson was with Elvis on the moon.

We arrived at the Yurts to be met by Malcolm and Nigel; all the yurts had been opened, inspected but now the scrabble to get in a Yurt that did not have a snoring monster began. A none-snoring Yurt was established and Malcolm and Martin were banished to the other Yurts. Malcolm has been known to drive a man to the brink of insanity with his snoring. However the real snuffle monster was yet to arrive!

Once settled we were off to that age old meeting place, the bar.

We sat for a while sipping drinks waiting for the rest of the pirate gang to show, one by one they arrived and the sipping became slightly more vigorous. As the voices of the pirates moved into full swing the evening was suddenly awash with jokes, puns, innuendos and the ripping of the mick.

Suitably oiled the Pirates returned to the Yurts and settled down ready for the next day’s diving, or should I say tried to. During the night I am positive that we were attacked by an army of bears snuffling through the camp site. The grunting, the groaning, the rasping so loud that I began to fear for my life! Then with one swift sentence all my fears were washed away, as out of the nice air a voice carried the sweat notes of "Pete shut the f**k up!". I knew then that the snuffle monster had started.

We woke to beautiful sunshine and the excited voices of the Yurts down the road, our yurts were somewhat subdued. As each bleary eyed pirate emerged from the yurt the excitement was starting to build.

A quick 5 minute drive and we were at the famous pirate strong hold, Swanage pier. Entries paid, kit dumped we descended to the cafe for well deserved teas, coffee's and bacon butties.

Sitting in the sunshine having a cup of tea with one of the best bacon butties on the planet, right next to the sea is indeed one of life’s little pleasures. Tea drunk, butties eaten it was time to get the diving on the way.

09:35 - First boat dive - Fluer - 9 Divers.

It is at this point that I have to mention the amazing service that we received from Patt and Bryan from Kyarra charters. There was simply nothing that was too much trouble and the skipper was absolutely fantastic.

With the boat divers gone it was now time to enjoy the pier in all of its glory.

Our group kitted up and took the long walk of 25 yards to the pier steps. Within minutes we were in the water getting ready for our first dive of the day. During out preparations to go diving a loud shout rang through the air "fishes!!” Cat had just put her head in the water and immediately came up to tell us that the UK waters indeed held fish, not only that they were pretty.

I have dived the pier many times over the years, some days it has been incredible and sometimes the viz is not so good. Today it was incredible! The marine life was out in all of its glory.

Spotted wrasse, blennies, baby lobsters and anemones with iridescent pink tips were all out to greet us.

A very pleasant 40 minutes later and we were back at the surface and a cup of tea was in order.

As we clambered out onto the pier steps we were greeted with the smiles of the boat divers. It had been one of the best boat dives they had had for a long time. Great visibility, great wreck and great marine life. What a perfect end to dive one.

As we rested on the surface and the buzz around the next dive started. The boat divers realized that there next dive was a scallop drift. Quickly the conversation turned to how many scallops each diver was going to bring to the evening BBQ. As the boasting continued the goody bags began to grow in size to meet the expectations that each diver had set themselves. The bar had been set.

The pier divers gently made their way into the water while the scallop divers sprinted like pirates after treasure to the boat.

Another 40 – 60 minute, peaceful and relaxing dive later and the pier divers were at the surface once again getting ready to exit and enjoy yet another great cup of tea, with perhaps a cake or two.

The pier divers sat and patiently waited for the boat divers to return with their bounty. We sat, we waited and waited. Finally the sight of the boat came into view and the boat divers returned with their enormous bounty!

With the divers safely on the pier we eagerly checked the scallop bounty. To be honest the bounty that the boats guys returned with was not what we had expected. As we sifted through the scallops and discarded the empty ones we were left with 7 scallops.

Now my initials are JC but even the real JC would have struggled to feed 15 with just 7 scallops!

All was not lost! What we had forgotten that Paul had brought with him some BBQ stuff for just this kind of emergency. In fact he had brought around 80 burgers, 100 chicken breasts, 400 sausages, more bacon that I have seen in one place ever before, doughnuts, tikka bites, chicken nibbles and even a chocolate gateau!

The BBQ was amazing, the food great and the company even better. Andrew had brought with him is secret gas BBQ come griddle and it was just the tool for the job.

After several and I mean several chicken burgers, beef burgers, chicken and bacon burgers, beef and bacon burgers the pirate crew was stuffed.

Now for the drinking to begin! Well actually we were all in bed by 10:00 as we were so knackered and so full we could not fit any more beverages in.

By 11:00 all of the pirates had drifted off into pirate sleep, as I lay there and reflected on the day slowly drifting off myself I heard the reassuring noise of the snuffle monster from Yurt one voicing his nocturnal cry, only to be followed by “now he has started snoring as well!”.

John Campbell

Pirate Lord

Scurvy Dog

Lover of all things female

"The only rules that really matters are these:

What a man can do and what a man can’t do. For instance, you can accept that your father was a pirate and a good man or you can’t. But pirate is in your blood, boy, so you’ll have to square with that some day. “– Jack Sparrow

The club has been up and running for only 3 weeks and we already have 35 members!

That is enough for 4th Element to create our new club T-Shirts!

Yep! 4th Element will be creating our very first pirate club T-Shirt and it will become a collectors item!

Sitting at my desk clock watching, waiting until the time came when normality stopped and the pirate in me could come bursting out! I swear the clock is going slower the more I watch it! Like a child at the end of a school day I burst out of the office and ran towards the van to start the journey to Swanage, the Pirate Club's first meet had started.

After a pretty easy drive to Swanage I made my way to the camp site, yep a camp site. This weekend I was sleeping in a Yurt! I parked up outside of the yurt and was greeted by my yurt buddy for the weekend. It was fantastic! Big, roomy, warm and comfortable. Designed to sleep 7 but this weekend there were only 2, rock on. Once the formalities of unpacking were completed (bags lobbed in corner of room, this actually took some time as the yurt is completely round), calls made to fellow pirates it was off to Tortuga Bay for a few well deserved flagging's of grog.

The night was a huge success. Beers flowed, laughter sounded and banter flowed. All briefly interrupted by the arrival of more pirates and then back to the task at hand. It is at this point that I have to mention some of the folk of Swanage that were also enjoying a few drinks. To say there were some sights would be an understatement. The clothes were sparse (on the ladies) and the collars high (on the men). It seemed that the higher the collar the more 'manly' the status, so much so that we ended up in a pub full of Harry Hill look alike's! Anyway, back to the tale.

The last of the beer was consumed and the decision made to head back to the digs ready for a good days diving. Some pirates had not eaten yet so the decision was made to visit the local kebaby shop and partake in the age old pirate tradition of kebaby hunting. Kebabs purchased we all headed home. Day 1 03:30 AM - It is at this point that the story becomes personal.

Little did I know that the yurt was also home to a large group of live in bum pixies. They did not like the kebab I had eaten and using their renowned magic powers conjured up a bottom relaxing spell that sent me at light speed to the local bum haven. I paid my dues and returned to the yurt, hoping the bum pixies were now appeased. Indeed they were.....however the tumtum tribe were not! Without any great detail I was forced to create a herd of yaks at the back of the yurt.

As the sun rose a weary pirate made sail to the good port Swanage. On route a couple of stops were made as there was a possibility of another yak joining the herd, the herd remained the same number. Arriving at the pier I was met by several eager, ready to pirates. All bouncing with joy and all to ready to comment on the strange colour that had now consumed me. It was time for a cup of tea and a lie down. 30 minutes later and I was back. Not 100% but back and ready to go, the dive boat awaited, the adventure could begin!

Avast ya land lovers! The cry rang out as I entered the water. Unfortunately my buddy was not so keen to join me as some of their kit was not playing ball. The time ticked by as I bobbed at the shot line. Up and down, up and down, up and down, my initial enthusiasm was starting to go.

15 minutes later I was back on the boat. All had not gone well but we were safely back on the boat taking about the kit issues that had arose. This (again) was not the only thing that arose. As I leaned over the rails admiring the choppy seas I considered that maybe it was not so wise after all to get on the boat.

In-between dying and considering my foolish actions another pirate joined the boat, a declaration of a great dive had, quickly followed by joining me at the rails so that we could both lean over and admire the choppy seas.

Many more pirates joined the boat as they finished the dive and many more started to turn the spectacular colors that can only be described as between jaundice and gangrene.

The journey back was a quite affair. So Chuckie 1 and 2 arrived back to shore, kit removed and a polite 'bugger doing the next boat dive' sounded they bounced back to the safety of the coffee shop. A tea later and all was looking far more Rosie.

It was at this point that we were joined by chuckie 2 & 3, pier divers who found the mountainous seas around the Swanage pier to great for their steel tums. I sat at the table feeling a little sorry for myself but knowing that the day was drawing to a close and not a lot else could go wrong.....I was in fact wrong. As I sat and watched Hooter the dog of the pier slowly wandered past my kit, stopped, sniffed and then cocked his leg and delivered what can only be described as a tsunami of pee all over my dive kit. The day had indeed reached new lows.

Day 2 - 09:00 Today life was so much better. No visits by the bum or tumtum fairies and a good nights sleep taken. I was back and ready to go! The weather was great but the sea not so calm. The boat cancelled we decided to join the army of die hard divers taking a tour around the pier. The visibility was not perfect but despite that the dive was brilliant. Marine life galore under the pier.

In-between dives the banter was great, the tea hot an sweet and the atmosphere one of utter excitement and fun. As the weekend drew to a close it was apparent that the UK diver is a hardy sole and those that had come to the first pirate club meeting were the hardiest of them all.

It was great to be in the company of divers who understood that a great time can be had, that diving was about fun and there was nothing wrong with having a laugh.

We had between 25 - 30 divers come to the dive over the weekend and I believe all went away with a simile from ear to ear.